no longer, no longer what you ask

i’ve had a great week. all in all. i saw a very old friend last night.

last night though, i broke down a little bit. it has been three days since i said i didn’t want to hear your voice anymore and you protested saying that wasn’t fair.

:i’m leaving for maryland.

::now?

:this isn’t what i want

::is this about someone else?

:i just will never forgive you for things

and though i think the worst of you right now for about an hour i cried in a big empty room. i dialed your number and let it ring to voicemail. i didnt have anything to say anyways.

::i’m going to marry you, amy, i know that for sure. i will never find anyone who i feel about like i do you.

wait.

in the morning air i feel better and back to my senses. you are such a jerk.
i honestly feel bad for girls who are still falling into your traps and believing you care.

i had an absolutely beautiful day. i haven’t felt happy in forever.
riding my bike feels good and so do you and them.

this is where i want to be.

you could have had something stable. wait, you had something stable. i was a constant. that’s all i’m saying about that. for three years.

laying in this bed makes my eyes feel funny. this is what happened the last time i left, so maybe my body is physically resisting change. or maybe my eyes aren’t used to being open so wide.

laying in this bed also makes me feel a swell of positive things,
so, bring on the funny eyes.